When a big adult hits a small child, it makes the child feel helpless and frustrated.  These feelings can make a child depressed or aggressive.

What to do:  Teach your children HOW you want them to act.  Young kids often don't know they're doing anything wrong.  Be consistent as you teach them.  They want to please you.

  Hurting a child does not teach him to solve a problem.  It just makes him/her feel bad about themselves.  Low self-esteem can last a lifetime.  Watch what you say, too.  Mean words can hurt as much as hitting.

What to do:  Stop yourself and cool off.  Breathe deeply.  County to 10, or better yet, 20!

  Physical punishment makes a children resentful, hostile and angry.  It can make them want revenge. 

What to do:  Teach your children what they did wrong by talking to them.  From the time they're little make sure they understand the "rules" for your household.  These can include safety, mealtimes, bedtime or any other issues you feel strongly about.

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  Physical punishment can confuse a child about right and wrong.  Think about it:  Does it make sense to hit a child who just hit someone else?

What to do:  Remove your child from the scene.  Be firm and consistent.  Always let him/her know 1)what behavior you expect, and 2)what will happen if he/she doesn't listen.  (For example, he'll/she'll go to his room, not watch TV, lose a privilege, etc.)

  If you hit a child you're showing that it's okay to hit. Children imitate adults.  They'll think they can get what they want by hurting others.

What to do:  Teach your children non-hurtful ways to put strong feelings into words.  Then, accept their feelings.  Show that you understand and care.

  Physical punishment hurts your children's feelings.  It can also harm their grades in school and make it harder for them to make friends.

What to do:  Notice and praise all the GOOD things your child does.  Let your child know that you love him just for being who he/she is.  It seems odd, but sometimes ignoring bad behavior actually makes it stop.

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  Being hit and spanked can make children physically aggressive and destructive.  Physical harm gives them more reasons for bad behavior.  It can teach them, "I'm bad, so I might as well keep acting bad."

What to do:  When a young child misbehaves, try using "time-out."  This separates your child from you for a few minutes.  Put him/her on a chair, a stair or in his room.  Use the same place each time.  Let him/her join you when he/she can control themselves.  This teaches him/her to win you approval for good behavior.

Be sure to praise your children when they're doing what you want them to.  All children WANT to be good and to feel good about themselves.

  Physical punishment doesn't teach your child any inner control.

What to do:  Don't spank.  A child who is spanked a lot does not develop his own self control.  He/she will look for someone else to tell him/her what's right and wrong.  They'll think, "I shouldn't act up because I'll be punished," instead of "I shouldn't misbehave because it's bad." Be clear about your expectations.  Praise your child when he/she chooses to be friendly and cooperative.  Encourage him/her to make his/her own good choices.

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    Physically hurting your child in any way scares him/her.

What to do:  Control yourself.  Nothing works better on a child who's out-of-control than a parent who stays calm!  Teach your child to handle his/her own anger and don't let yourself get caught up in it.  You can survive his/her anger.  Remember, you're the adult.

  Sometimes a parent who is very tired or upset with a crying baby shakes the baby.  This can result in blindness, brain damage or even death to the baby.

What to do:  Stop Yourself!  If the crying gets to you, see if a friend or relative can baby-sit for awhile, while you take a break.  Learn to accept help.

If you think your own problems are affecting the way you are raising your child, stop, think and find help!  Consider joining a parents' group and talk to other moms and dads.  Learn about children and how they develop.

If you were physically punished as a child, it's all too easy to pass the behavior along.  Remember how it felt for you.  Look in the first few pages of your phone book under Community Services for places that could help and advise you.  Try Children's Services, Domestic Violence, etc.

Also, take some time for yourself.  You'll feel better and end up being a better parent.

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* This information is not a substitute for professional medical care.  Diagnosis and treatment should be done only by your health care provider. For more information contact your local health department or physician.